The Art of Asking Questions

Here is an article Mikko got in his in box that I find extremely useful in interacting with others. I have a lot to learn still, and desire to improve upon my mentoring, conversing and dealing with conflict skills.

We’ve all had the experience of asking a question, then

receiving an answer that’s not what we’re expecting, not

responsive, or way off base. Our natural tendency is to point

fingers at and blame the other person for not listening. But, we

believe that first we need to turn the spotlight on ourselves.

Are we really asking ourselves the right questions in the right

way to move the conversation forward? Are we creating a safe

environment where everyone feels respected so they can focus

on the question and not how we make them feel?

The truth is that what we think determines the type of

questions we ask. If we have a JUDGING MINDSET, our

questions will usually lead to increased conflict, interpersonal

problems, and higher stress levels. Almost always, this

produces lower levels of trust and communication, and can

negatively impact the productivity of an entire workgroup. On

the other hand, if we have a LEARNING MINDSET, our

questions will usually lead to higher levels of trust and

communication, creating deeper understanding, discovering

best solutions, and moving people to action.

So, we believe it’s important to first ask ourselves these two

questions:

1) What is my mindset – judging or learning?

2) How does this impact the questions I ask?

We are making the assumption that you are a person with good

intent who desires to learn and not judge. Here are some

examples of common Judging questions and suggestions for

turning them into Learning questions:

Turn Judging Questions Into Learning Questions

How could I get hurt? What can I learn?

Who is to blame? What am I responsible for?

How can I be in control or win? What other choices do I have?

What could I lose? How can we both win?

How can I prove I am right? What are the facts?

What is wrong? What is right?

How can I protect my turf? How can this benefit everyone?

Why is that person so out of touch? What does the other person want or need?

Why bother? What’s possible?

by Jeanne Gray Carr